(Originally published January 06, 2004, elsewhere-net.)
Executive summary of life at this time: Age 31. I was still bookkeeping at the printing shop in the Mission, before launching my contract-basis bookkeeping biz; I was still partnered with J.; I was living in TriBeSa; GWB’s post-September 11 Iraq war was in progress; movies were still rented at video stores.
—Sooze, Oakland, 2018
Cool Stuff
*Been writing regularly.
*Been maintaining my blog, and slowly teaching myself some html.
*Published an anti-war zine.1
*April, 2003, marked three serious years for J. and I (plus one “not serious” year before we decided to make it official), my longest relationship ever—pretty damned neat.2
*Quit therapy.3
*Started biking.
*Took an excellent summer trip to the East Coast.4
*Started balancing my checkbook.
*Got my teeth cleaned!! (You do not wanna know how long it’d been.)
*Been flossing regularly since.5
*Performed one of my own songs at an open mic night—hadn’t done that in years.
*Finished putting together my mom’s photo albums—a project I started about eight or nine years ago, and had never gotten around to completing til this year! Pretty fuckin’ amazing. I gave her the completed albums for Chanukah, and she was blown away—pretty cool to see her reaction. She had no idea I was still working on them, even. I loved that moment.
Stuff that sucked
*Been stressed and broke. Got a cut in hours at work—the shop’s been losing money all year, and all the employees have gotten cuts.
*The war and occupation in Iraq fucking sucked and continue to suck.
*Got a yucky vaginal infection.
*My bike was stolen–What a pisser.
The Culture I Consumed in 2003
The (few) Books I Read
(in no particular order)
Everything is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran Foer
Buddhism, Plain and Simple, by Steven Hagen
Nigger, the Strange Career of a Troublesome Word, by Randall Kennedy
Happy Days with the Naked Chef by Jamie Oliver
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche
Part of Genesis, in The Bible, New English Version
U and I: A True Story, by Nicholson Baker
When I was Five I Killed Myself, by Howard Buten
A Young Man’s Journey with AIDS – The Story of Nick Trevor by Luellen Reese, which made me cry on the airplane on my way to New York in July.)
The Flicks I Saw…
Rated in two ways: With stars, denoting “how good I think they are” in some technical, quasi-objective way, and also in listed-order, representing, more or less, how much I liked the film, top of list being the film I most enjoyed, to bottom of the list, being ‘why, oh why, god?’ Comments where comments are due.
Ratings:
no * = sucks ass entirely (not that sucking ass is such a bad thing…)
* = a redeeming moment or two, but otherwise why did I spend ten bucks on this shite?
** = enjoyable like a good game of Ms. Pac-Man–sustained, but shallow.
*** = solid fare, like a strong cuppa joe in the morning
**** = better than Cats – I want to see it again and again
***** = better than sex. better than the sound of bones breaking, dogs dying.
…In the Theater
(From memory; I’m sure I’m forgetting some films I saw. Maybe I’ll keep the ticket stubs in ’04.)
Dirty Pretty Things *****
Just an amazing film about the desperation of life as an immigrant in London. Beautifully acted, written, and filmed. Sublime performance by Chiwetel Ejiofor as Okwe, a Nigerian doctor making it as an undocumented immigrant in London by driving cabs, toting bags, and finding rest at night in a hospital morgue.
Amandla! *****
An incredibly moving documentary about the transformative and unifying power of song in the struggle against Apartheid.
Lost in Translation ****
In America ****
Gallant Girls (Die Ritterrinnen) ****
A spirited docudrama that has gotten play at gay/lesbian/bi/trans film fests around the world. Writer/Director Barbara Teufel dramatizes her experiences from the radical anti-globalization scene in late-1980’s Berlin, and the personal and political upheavals of the band of radical women of which she was a part. I highly recommend it.
A Mighty Wind ***
The Hunger *** (Re-run; revival screening)
Camp ***
Big Fish ***
Elf **
Party Monster * – Macaulay Culkin proves he can’t act his way out of a dime sack. Enjoyable like watching a train wreck, you know?
Matrix Reloaded **
Family Affair * – Again, props to indy queer cinema, but this flick was schmaltzville.
…On Video or DVD
(Note to self: maybe I should rent less movies in 2004…might get more done. Also listed from memory. Damned video store guys won’t print me a copy of what I’ve rented. I asked nicely, too.)
The Safety of Objects ****
I’d been wanting to see this movie for a long time–the ensemble cast includes Patricia Clarkson, who I cannot get enough of, and it was written and directed by Rose Troche, who made the oft-referred to, anthemic-if-stagey 1994 lesbian classic, Go Fish. Anyway, The Safety of Objects fucking unraveled me. I won’t spoil the plot, save to say it’ll make you think about the way we force things and other people to become symbols for something entirely else. Damn, it’s good. One subplot ties up a little too neatly for my tastes, otherwise I’d give it five stars.
Six Feet Under, the whole first season ***** – some of the best TV ever.
Far From Heaven ***** (re-run)
Chinatown *****
Adaptation ****
Secretary ****
Casablanca *****
“All the gin joints in all the towns in the world, and she hadda walk inna mine…” Can’t believe I’d never seen it before.
Ghost World **** (re-run)
(Watched it twice in a row, and had seen it twice before.)
Twin Peaks, the pilot episode and the whole first season ****
Love Liza ****
Magnolia **** (re-run)
Punch Drunk Love ***
Tape *** – Watched it twice, and also watched the director’s commentary.
Personal Velocity ****
Igby Goes Down *** – Kieran Culkin proves he can act way better than his older brother, Macaulay (the jury’s still out on Rory).
Things Behind the Sun ***
Bottle Rocket ***
Freida ****
Signs *** – Though I detest Mel Gibson and usually boycott his movies—he’s a homophobic S.O.B.—this is the only of his movies I’ve seen since the Eighties, and I enjoyed it.
Raising Victor Vargas ***
Sex and the City, multiple episodes from first through third seasons ** to *** – Lost interest after seeing Carrie freak out about her boyfriend’s bisexuality. I mean, she’s a sex columnist in New York. If she’s not okay with her guy swinging both ways, who the fuck else would be? I’m not saying it’s a homophobic show, so don’t get down on me, okay. I just think it’s unrealistic for a character in her milieu not to be okay with her guy being bi. It irritated me. And, in general, there’s only so much you can take of watching the repetitive sexual misadventures of Size Zero women buying $400 pairs of shoes, right? But I’ll always have a soft spot for Cynthia Nixon.
The Kid Stays in the Picture *** – The docu-pic about Paramount’s mega-producer Robert Evans, who took the studio to Number One with such epic films as The Godfather, Rosemary’s Baby, Chinatown, and Love Story. So I had to rent Love Story soon thereafter, as I’d never seen it.
High Fidelity *** (re-run)
Catch Me if You Can ***
Insomnia ***
Love Story ***
Boogie Nights ***(re-run)
Almost Famous ***
Max ***
Pieces of April **
I so wanted to like this movie. Patricia Clarkson, again–she’s always, always good, and she’s the best thing in this flick. Katie Holmes, as the prodigal daughter with piercings, turns in a great performance, too, and both of them do it despite the shitty script that’s full of clichés and barely concealed plays-on-stereotypes-that-become-stereotypes themselves. It’s being lauded as a gem, and is up for multiple Independent Spirit and Golden Globe awards, but I think we can do better than this–just ’cause it’s indy don’t mean it’s good.
Series 7 **
A great idea for a movie–a dark spoof on just how far “reality TV” has gotten–“Series 7” is a reality program in which the participants actually have to hunt down and kill each other. If that piques your interest, go ahead and rent it–but I was disappointed with the execution—ahem—of the film.
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys ** 6
The Banger Sisters **
The Good Girl **
The Breakfast Club *** (re-run) – Only for the trillionth time…
Legally Blonde II **
Only ’cause my housemate rented it—that, and I would watch Reese Witherspoon read the back of a can of paint thinner; she’s so amusing.
Pumpkin ** – Though I liked the quirkiness and the spirit of the film, at the end of the day, the thing was painful and offensive. Christina Ricci made the wrong choice this time, which is uncommon for her, I think.
The Hulk (no star) – Why, oh why, god?
The Live Shows I Saw
Aimee Mann, The Warfield, SF
Sleater-Kinney, The Fillmore, SF
So and So’s and Andy Stochansky, The Lizard Lounge, Boston
Ted Leo, Radio 4, Sahara Hotnights, others–all at the Siren Music Fest on Coney Island
The Mekons, Slim’s, SF
Yo La Tengo, The Fillmore
Badly Drawn Boy, The Fillmore
Erase Errata, some dance hall in Potrero Hill
And Finally, My Resolutions for 2004
The Usual…
*Eat healthier.
*Drink more water.
*Buy the new bike and ride it, at the very least, every other day.
*Find a new money-generatin’ scheme.
*Go to bed earlier every night (…she writes, as the clock strikes midnight plus eleven minutes–arg!!)
*Make more time for the people I love.
*Cultivate mindfulness—i.e. do whatever it is I’m doing right now, with full care and concentration, and then move on to whatever it is next that I’m doing, without trying to do both at the same time, and without feeling stress about whatever it is I’m not doing.7
Y’know, the New Year’s resolutions thing may be a normative, boring social convention, and it may ultimately make a person feel more stressed out about what they are or aren’t doing “right” in their lives…but it’s a convention I find useful. I can decide, every day, whether I want to live my life in a more healthy, peaceful, respectful, creative, energized way. It’s not just a thing to resolve at the turn of the year. But I find them handy, so I’m putting ’em down. Surely, I’ll add to the list as I go along. And above all, I’m not gonna beat myself up every time I stray.
Happy New Year, everybody!
—Sooze
Post Script, 2018:
1 Remember paper ‘zines?
2 Glad to report that I made it passed three years with other partners…in the FUTURE.
3 Hahaha. I’ve found that I never really quit therapy.
4 My trip to the East Coast in 2003 was for my dear friend Marck’s wedding. I’ll be taking a trip this very Spring for Marck’s second wedding.
5 Hahaha. Yeah, that didn’t last.
6 Because everything’s coming up Culkin.
7 “Cultivate mindfulness.” Not a strategic, measurable goal, but a good thing to contemplate.
The Navelgazery 
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