Executive summary: Happy 2019, everyone! Please enjoy this long-winded foray into my year 2018, in review. Retro-entries will be back soon, resuming with 2007. 

—Sooze, Oakland, 2019

Preamble

2018. The year I realized that time is moving faster than ever, but I care less and less about the glacial pace of my progress. I’ll get there. Or I won’t. I’ll accomplish stuff I want to, or I won’t. Most likely, I’ll accomplish some slice of something, and do a lot more percolating and procrastinating and binge watching and navelgazing between the “doings” of “somethings.” I’m trying to let go a bit, give myself some space. Anxiety wells up as I type, and also relief.

In a related movement in my life, 2018 has also been a year of making some useful progress in my self-care, my relationship to the drink, finally getting a prescription for a CPAP machine, cooking a lot more, going out a lot less. It was my year of gratefully, thankfully, getting in touch with my inner homebody.

As a result of this focus on my needs, I’m more creatively charged than I’ve been in a long time. But that creative spark does come tempered with this aforementioned more mellow outlook. This is aging, in a spacious way, I think. I know that I’m chasing a causa sui project, most likely projects, of some kind, but through the humbling of lived experience, I know that the meaning is in the doing, and not in the result. Results are gratifying, but only as byproducts of the doing. The last thing I need is to stress myself out further in this life, under pressure of “finishing,” as if anything is ever really finished. Your mileage, and life philosophies, may, of course, vary. And so might mine!

The Stuff That Happened in 2018 ♣ ♣

♣ I took a two-month break from whiskey, and all alcohol, from November 13, 2017, to January 12, 2018. And I actually only had three glasses of whiskey in the whole of January, and just five in February. Then in March I completed the Whole30 dietary plan, which had me eliminating all grains, all sugar, all alcohol, and most dairy for a full month (see more detail below). The only serving of alcohol I had, at the very end of the month, was one glass of white wine on Passover. So, total abstention for two months, followed by three months of next to no alcohol. Since making this very intentional break, my love affair with whiskey has cooled some, and this is a positive development, as we all grow when our lovers emerge from rose-colored tint. It’s not perfect; I still go back to it more regularly than I’d ultimately like to, but my sense of where whiskey ends and I begin has come clearer into view, definitely for the better.

♣ Jenessa, my 36 year old niece, mother of two kids, word nerd bar-none, lover of musical theater and cult TV shows about cute boys killing monsters, still has stage 4 colon cancer. As of this writing, she has had several months of reprieve, in which scans indicate no evidence of disease. She’s been free to live her life apart from debilitating, draining chemo treatments and has had no further surgeries since April of 2018. You can read about her experience at her blog, My Colon Cancer: Semicolon, Not Full Stop.

♣ Emily’s ex-partner, ex-husband, dear friend, David, died in January. I didn’t get the chance to meet him, but Emily’s loss makes a palpable impact. 

♣ Jenean visited for a week in January, which was life-giving. I’ve been missing her more vividly than ever lately, I think because, as I get older, and meet new people, I realize that, while my new connections do enrich my life, my old friends, people who have done the time with me over decades, these people lost to the ever spreading diaspora from the Bay Area, leave chasms in their wake. 

♣ Baby Huxley turned one! ♣ Baby Lev turned one! ♣ Annette & Chris’s baby Josie was born! Babies babies babies!

♣ I bought a new guitar! Just in time for the annual Family Retreat & Hootenanny in February. Sad to say, I’ve been playing it less than frequently.

♣ As mentioned above, I did the Whole30 during the month of March. If you spend any time with me in the actual living, breathing world, you have no doubt heard me rail on and on about my digestive challenges. I’ve reached the conclusion over the years that a controlled carb, low or no-grain diet works best for me, and I really try to stick to it. But doing the Whole30 was a nice exercise for me in a few ways: it really made me focus on eliminating the hidden sugars in so many foods, forced me to eat 100% whole foods with nothing processed (except butter, which I clarified myself, and was the only dairy allowed. The hardest part for me was, hands down, not putting cream in my coffee.) The other thing it did for me was get me into a better habit of planning meals for the week and cooking for myself. Since so many food categories are eliminated in the plan, it’s real hard to go out to eat, and during the month of March, I maybe ate out twice. I really like cooking, often feel a lot more satisfied with my own food and happier when I cook, instead of going out, and I feel a lot more grounded emotionally and logistically week to week when I’ve planned my meals, so it was a great reboot, or a ratcheting up of this discipline in my life.

Here’s a good summary of the Whole30 and a list of what you can’t and can eat on it. (They start with the can’t.) If you go to the official W30 site, there’s a lot more useful info, but it’s certainly easy to get bogged down with, or not love the kinds of zealous rhetoric you get there. At heart, the thing I most like about it is that it is not a plan that focuses on weight loss as the goal. It’s much more about raising your awareness of what you’re putting into your body, and enjoying the benefits of an essentially strict paleo dietary regimen. I do think that bodies are all kinds of different, and if you’re not into this way of eating, I ain’t gonna argue with you at this point in my life; I just know that this is the way of eating that works best for my own sensitive guts. I’m never giving up cream in my coffee again, though. Oh, and also, I’ve developed a bit of a vanilla ice cream habit this year, not counting the month of March. I know, I’m hella wild.

♣ Emily and I celebrated two years together at a little cottage in Guerneville, a really lovely weekend cooking lots of good food, walking in the misty woods, and listening to Kennys, both Rogers and Loggins.

♣ I marked two years working at the synagogue, and I really love it. In as much as bookkeepery is not my calling in this world, there is something very grounding about the routine of it, the stability of my job, and the space it frees up for me to do my life outside of work. 

♣ I published my Wrap on 2017, my first Year-End Wrap since 2009! And I started a blog aggregating all my year-end wraps since 2003. You’re reading said blog RIGHT NOW! Meta, meta. 

♣ In March, I began a new karaoke project: I challenged myself to sing every song on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 chart from the year 1984, starting with #100 (“Yah Mo B There,” by James Ingram and Michael McDonald) and ending with #1 (“When Doves Cry,” by Prince). As it turned out, between the months of March and August, I only made it to #91, “Got a Hold on Me” by Christine McVie. This clearly became one of my many flash-in-the-pan creative projects, and I’m okay with that. Perhaps I’ll renew the effort, perhaps I won’t. Here’s the ten songs I did: 

Special thanks to KJ Dana Morrigan, who took the time to create several karaoke tracks from scratch where they hadn’t previously existed. I mean, how could no one have made “New Moon on Monday” for karaoke before? You’re such a love, Dana.

♣ Jenessa had another surgery, this time to remove a metastatic tumor in her liver. It was a successful procedure, and she’s amazing. And then, a few months later, and for the first time since her diagnosis, Jenessa got a PET scan showing no evidence of disease. This is an undeniably good thing, even though stage 4 cancer necessarily means she will continue to be on chemo or in some form of treatment off and on for life. It feels wonderful, but also, it feels very “eye of the storm.”

♣ I made a trip to Baltimore for my friends Marck and Garvi’s wedding celebration in April. I got to meet Marck’s 7 year old daughters for the first time, and they are rad kids (this is what I’m saying about the diaspora of friends. It’s really not okay that I’d never met Marck’s girls before). I also met some of Garvi and Marck’s really sweet friends. While I was in the Metro area, I took an overnight trip to DC and got to see my old buddy Steph C. and her husband Chris, and got to meet their brilliant kid, as well. I hadn’t seen them since their wedding in 2009. 

♣ Attended the beautiful wedding of Sam & Jeremy in Sausalito. ♣ Attended my friend Allison’s 30th high school reunion with her, and mentally prepared for my own in a couple years.

♣ I started using a CPAP machine, in my continuing efforts to level-up my adulting and self-care. It took a couple months to get used to it, and it’s still a pain in the ass (or, I guess, face) to sleep with tubes all over the place, and nasal masks and stuff, but, for the first time, ever, I’m routinely waking up before my alarm, refreshed from sleep. I want to give props here to my doctor, because when I came in at the end of 2017 with depression and malaise so bad that I wanted to go on meds, she immediately got me into a conversation about my drinking, and about the likelihood that I have sleep apnea. With modifications on both those fronts, my 2018 has been markedly better, in terms of mood, energy, and motivation to engage my creative life a lot more. 

♣ I’ve been assembling some short pieces of writing into a what I’m loosely referring to as a memoir project. I don’t know the fate of this thing yet, but I intend to write and see what happens. Mostly, my process has been jotting down notes as random inspiration strikes. Following through with writing has always been hard for me, but my prompts and themes are emerging, and it’s a good process. 

♣ Spent a bit of time with a lot of old friends I don’t get to see often, on their travels to the Bay Area, like my friend from junior high, Nicole, my friend from high school Whitney, my friend and comrade from Peace Action days, Rosa, who let me take her to my kooky karaoke night. I also got to see my dears Steph and Marley, on a leg of their road trip from Seattle back to Guatemala. It was a good year for these short-but-sweet visits.

♣ I bought podcasting equipment! Oh my god! But, let’s back up a minute. I’m launching a podcast, coming to your favorite podcast app sometime…soon. Really!

I made the realization during the summer months that I wanted a podcast of mine own, and I wanted to cover broader life path and existential sorts of issues, and not just matters of sexuality and dating. So I had a really good, creatively generative conversation with Amy, my co-conspirator on the sex & dating podcast I had been working on a couple years prior, a project that hadn’t seen daylight in some time. We agreed to part ways as collaborators on that podcast, with her keeping the brand, and me creating this new project. And I’m really excited to report that it is underway. 

I landed on the name of the podcast, And The Next Thing You Know…after a couple months of pretty engaged brainstorming. The gist is, how does life evolve through the missteps, the unexpected events, the out-of-controlness of it all, regardless how well-wrought our plans are? If you’ve got an “And The Next Thing You Know” story, shoot me an email, or record a voice memo on your phone, and email it to nextthingpod@gmail.com. Maybe I’ll feature your story on the show! 

♣ I spent a lot of sweet time with my family in the South Bay, and I’m even attempting to to enjoy the playing of games with them for many hours after Shabbat dinners. This is a substantial stretch of my comfort zone, but #champagneproblems, I guess. We also took a family trip to Eugene for the bar mitzvah of my nephew Gideon, and I got to visit with my buddy Moxie’s family there, too! 

♣ I mourned on the first anniversary of the death my sweet Dorrie Dog. I still get choked up when I think about her waggily self no longer in this world. 

♣ Enjoyed my fourth (fifth? I’ve lost count) Folsom Street Fair weekend with the lovely Kristina, in our only visit for 2018. Had a lot of fun traipsing around South of Market with friends, drinking, eating fried things, taking in the “scenery.” Ahem.

♣ My friend Alana died. She’d been suffering badly for two years with a terminal esophageal cancer diagnosis, and a lot of serious complications. But she’d also been living her life boldly, and loving her partner Mac fiercely, and eating a shit ton of ice cream. Maybe my ice cream habit of late has something to do with Alana. Pretty sure she’d tell me to dream bigger if I told her I usually stick to vanilla. 

Alana died the same day as the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh, on October 27th. I woke to the news, both of the shooting, and of Alana’s passing, and the ancient, endlessness of grief blew through my body like wind through a hollow tree.

The rest of the day was surreal. I decided that I would walk down the block to my local tattoo shop and finally get the semicolon I’d been planning for some months. It’s a tribute to Jenessa’s literal “semi colon,” and a reminder to me to pause, among other things, to keep myself in this disappointing, scary, joyous life. After a day alternating with tears, post-tattoo adrenaline, and contemplation, I drove into the City to do a guest spot on the podcast of a friend of a friend, about polyamory topics. The episode hasn’t aired yet, but I think I can say I held my own in the conversation, given what an extraordinarily strange and sorrowful day it had been. I don’t remember if I slept that night.

♣ More wildfires in California, the worst on record, and the worst air quality in my lifetime. Wore a respirator mask for two weeks straight. Apocalypse now.  

♣ At the very end of the year, I got news that an old college friend killed himself. We had not been in touch in a long time, but he had a big impact on me and my life in my early 20s. Goodbye, Donal.

Death count, 2018: Three people in my world. And the second year in a row a friend ended their own life.

Civic Engagement in 2018 ♦ ♦

Donations

♦ MoveOn ♦ Black Lives Matter ♦ ACLU  ♦ Al Otro Lado ♦ TJ Cox for Congress ♦ Access Women’s Health Justice ♦ Doctors Without Borders

I want to note here that, at my income level, I can only afford to donate micro amounts to organizations. If you’re in the same boat, know that you can give $5 or $10 as a one-time donation, or $5 or $10 a month, to support orgs that are doing crucial work on whatever are your strongest convictions. Small donations absolutely make a difference. 

Actions

♦ Demonstrated against family separations at the Richmond ICE detention facility. ♦ Demonstrated against the Proud Boys in Oakland and in solidarity with Nia Wilson, a young black woman who was killed by a white man at the BART station in my neighborhood. ♦ Started a postcard campaign to the Department of Health and Human Services about their lethal policy changes affecting trans Americans. Let me know if you want me to send you a few postcards!  

Life Hacks Deployed in 2018 ⇒ ⇒

⇒ I now keep dental floss at work. A complete revelation! For 2019, I’m gonna start keeping it in my shoulder bag, as well. 

⇒ I am charting my alcohol consumption on a color-coded google doc (light blue means zero drinks that day, orange is whiskey, yellow is wine or beer). It’s been really helpful to visualize my successful moderation management, and also to visualize when I’m less successful. It helps me remember to be mindful of how much, and how often, I’m drinking. 

⇒ I finally figured out a freezer storage method for stock bones – two rectangular glass containers with good lids that seal. When both containers are full, I make a batch of stock. This method owes, in part, to inspiration from Amy. 

The Media & Culture I Consumed in 2018

A note on ratings: Stars (one to five) mean how “good” I think the thing is; ranked order (first through last listed in each category) means how much I enjoyed the thing relative to the other things in the category, regardless of how objectively “good” it is.

A note on reviews: I’ve decided not to spend much time reviewing this year, but if you have things to say about a book, podcast, film, show, what have you, leave a comment! Or if you want to know a few of my thoughts on a specific thing, ask, and I’ll rustle up a few words for you.

The Books I Read

I set a goal for myself of reading six books this year, and I hit just that. Given that I only read one book last year, this modesty makes sense. It’s still not where I want it to be, but it’s pleasing to me to work on developing a read-before-bed habit that I’ve fallen out of in the age of social media. This year was also the first time I realized that listening to audiobooks could be a thing that I do more frequently, as a way to get more books in me. Audiobook is indicated; the others were read with my eyeballs. Maybe in the future, I won’t make this self conscious distinction.

A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (2013) **** Beautiful, epic, dense.

Moby-Dick; or, The Whale by Herman Melville (1851) ****  The Big Read audio/podcast – all 135 chapters narrated by different people (including Tilda Swinton, David Attenborough, even John Waters!) Phenomenal, with some reservations.

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros (1984) **** Finally read this after it had been on my radar for many, many years.

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates (2015) **** Poetic and stirring.

Tambora: The Eruption that Changed the World by Gillen D’Arcy Wood (2015) **** Fascinating and heartbreaking global geopolitical and environmental history of the impact of the 1815 volcanic eruption of Mt. Tambora in Indonesia. 

Vacationland: True Stories from Painful Beaches by John Hodgman (2017) *** ½ Delightful and navelgazy. 

The Podcasts I Listened To

Tried and true

♠ Judge John Hodgman ♠ WTF with Marc Maron ♠ 99 Percent Invisible ♠ Savage Love ♠ The Sporkful ♠ Hidden Brain ♠ 2 Dope Queens ♠ Death, Sex & Money

New to me/noteworthy this year

♠ The Allusionist ♠ Answer Me This ♠ Ear Hustle ♠ Everything is Alive ♠ Imaginary Advice ♠ Heaven’s Gate ♠ Spontaneanation ♠ Decoder Ring ♠ Invisibilia ♠ Mammary Alpha ♠ Switchblade Sisters ♠ Snap Judgement ♠ Midlife Mixtape ♠ She Podcasts

The stand-out podcast experience for me in 2018: Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s a quick listen, only about 20 or so episodes, recorded in 2016. Premise: fans, all average schmoes like us, tell Liz about their creative blocks, and then she expertly, kindly, sternly, humorously, insightfully gets them back to work on their projects, whether it’s writing, choreography, photography, stand-up comedy, you get the drift.

She then brings in friends who have some expertise in their fields to chime in and help folks work through their stumbling blocks. In this case, Liz’s friends include folks like Neil Gaiman, Cheryl Strayed, and Ann Patchett. Then Liz follows up with each participant to check in about their progress. It’s a fucking revelatory kick in the ass, if you’re looking for motivation and insight about the fears holding you back from creating.

In 2018, I also finally became a monthly supporter of the wonderful Radiotopia podcast network.

The Movies I Watched in the Theater

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018) ****

Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi (2018) *** ½

Sorry to Bother You (2018) ****

Love, Simon (2018) ** ½

The Movies I Watched on Smaller Screens

Narratives

Moonlight (2016) ***** One of the most beautiful films I’ve seen. 

Carol (2015) ***** Ditto. 

Black Panther (2018) ****

A Serious Man (2009) **** re-run

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018) ****

Muriel’s Wedding (1994) **** re-run

Jumanji (1995) *** ½  my first time seeing it!

April and the Extraordinary World (2015) *** ½

Tig Notaro: Happy To Be Here (2018) ***

The Parent Trap (1961) **** also my first time, unbelievably!

Lady Bird (2017) ***

The Neverending Story (1984) *** ½ re-run

Dakota Skye (2008) ***

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010) *** ½ rerun

Popeye (1980) *** ½ re-run

An Affair to Remember (1957) *** ½

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) ***

Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party (2015) ***

Frances Ha (2012) ***

Stardust (2007) ** ½ 

Captain Fantastic (2016) *** ½ 

Synchronicity (2015) ***

I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore (2017) ** ½

Duck Butter (2018) ** ½

What If? (2013) ** ½

Two Night Stand (2014) *

Mute (2018) ** 

Documentaries

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson (2017) ****

I Am Not Your Negro (2016) *****

Planet Earth II (2016) ****

Pay It No Mind: The Life and Times of Marsha P. Johnson (2012) ** ½

The Out List (2013) **

The TV Shows I Watched

Bojack Horseman, Seasons 2 through 4 (2015-2017) ***½  to *****

Dear White People, Season 2 (2018) ****

Salt Fat Acid Heat (2018) ****

Queer Eye, Seasons 1 and 2 (2018) ***½ to ****

Orange is the New Black, Season 6 (2018) ****

Black Mirror (multiple episodes) of note, “USS Callister” (2017) **** and “San Junipero” (2016) **** 

Supernatural, Seasons 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 (2005-2016) *** to **** OK, I spent a lot of time watching Supernatural. 

GLOW, Season 1 (2017) *** and Season 2 (2018) *** ½

Lady Dynamite Season 1 (2016) *** Season 2 (2017) ** ½

Chef vs Science: The Ultimate Kitchen Challenge (2016) *** 

The Live Performances & Engagements I Attended

(In rough chronological order, not rated)

Judge John Hodgman & Bailiff Jesse Thorn at Sketchfest, 2018, at the Castro Theatre, SF, with Tune-Yards

Soft Vowel Sounds, The Sweet Trade, Polythene Pam, Scorpio Moon, Secret Emchy Society Yoko OK  – lots of small-scale, local, and queer band shows, various venues.

Queen Nation at the Alameda County Fair

Suborbitals, El Gato Dice, Apopka Darkroom at the Elbo Room at Jack London Square

Suborbitals and Yaya’s Kitchen at the Crêpe Place, Santa Cruz

Lindy West in conversation with Jes Baker at the Herbst Theater, SF, with Quelise

Elizabeth Gilbert in conversation with Lisa Congdon at the Nourse Theater, SF, with Jen. You can hear this lovely, inspiring talk recorded live at the CIIS Public Programs podcast.

Edits & Omissions

…in the Stuff Section

I neglected to mention above that Olga & Dave’s baby Zoe was born in 2018, probably because I, slacker no-good friend that I am, have not even met her yet! But welcome to the world, Zoe!

…in the TV Section

I didn’t mention that I watched the second season of the TV show Atypical, which I liked a bit better than the first.

…in the Live Performances Section

I failed to mention some live performance companions: Sara and Jenean accompanied me to the Judge John Hodgman show; I attended the fantastic Queen Nation show with Mike’s family, the kids, & Quelise; and I saw a bunch of lovely high school pals for the Suborbitals show in Santa Cruz

…Among many other things I’m sure I’ve left out.

Onward, 2019!